i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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