The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
