Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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