we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
