There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i think i just lost a toe
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
