We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
