i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
