This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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