and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
