Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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