If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
whose parrot is this?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
