end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
