So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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