i permit you to call me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
