oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
