thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we have officially lost it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
