I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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