so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there was a trapeze. enough said
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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