Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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