Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
