I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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