Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
