I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
