Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
