And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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