I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
