Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
