the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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