A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
