I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
