My friends, they love my intelligence
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
