Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
