So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
