it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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