maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
