Capitaan dildo arrescate!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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