Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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