i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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