Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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