i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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