i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize