He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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