no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
