the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I need to stop coming to work sober
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
