I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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