this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
