Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
