wanna go halves on a baby?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
