ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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