She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I pour the whiskey from now on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
