Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
