i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
