you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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