Plan B is the new Plan A
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
