I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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