Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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