If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
