so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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