How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
