HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
