I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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