I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
