i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
