So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
