I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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