found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
