East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
