I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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