I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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