I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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