I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
