yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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