Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
