I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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