I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
